Could it be?

Everything I did, I did it for a reason. There is a reason why I am who I am.

Good evening.


I spent almost the whole day on my bed, since yesterday, listening to music and thinking. I'm not feeling alright. I miss you :( I can't dealt with the pain, that I decided to go out and went to my sister's home. I met my niece and he is a perfect distraction. I love him. and I miss you so much. I'm really sorry.  

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You didn't have to cut me off

I woke up early today due to the throbbing pain from my ear. I'm half deaf! :0 and I miss him :(

My friend text me early in the morning and ask me to go with her to attend an event. I hesitate at first, but them, I think maybe its the right thing to do so I can get my mind off him :/
The event was not bad. I got loads of important advice from the talk. Although I went home tired, but well, at least my day is productive! :D 

After the event, my friends and I went to have dinner together and then we walked around the shopping area. While walking, my mind started to wander off and I suddenly said " I think he will leave. Cause I'm sure he doesn't miss me anymore cause if he does, he won't stand it ignoring me almost the whole day". My friend said I'm being silly and told me not to think about it and be positive...

So that night, he replied my text (which I text few hours back). He told me we should move on our own. I cried of course and asked him why. He just keep saying to leave it and he seems to make it like its not a big deal. My heart ache. But what can I do? I apologize to God for crying. It's not that I'm trying to disagree but I just have to, to ease the pain. I'm afraid I will miss him.. But then, I can't force him to love me and stay. If he's happy with his decision, I can't do anything about it. People say, everything happen for a reason. Maybe this is for the best. For both of us. All I can do is pray to God, to heal my heart and give me the strength to get through this. I don't want to hate him for leaving me. I'm sure God must have a better plan for me. I trust Him.

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He said he will text me again, but I'm sure he won't do that. I just can feel it, just like how I can feel he will leave me :)

Talk to me

First of all, happy birthday to my second sister. May God bless you! 

Today is the day I've been waiting for, not because its my sister birthday, but its my first off day~ LOL. But sadly, I have to spend almost the whole day to do and settle something :( I'm tired but then, what to do? I just want to be healthy soon cause I want us to work out although its less than a year left. I sacrifice my rest time and spent almost 8 hours driving on the road just to fix everything cause I love him. I thank God for giving me the strength to get through this. It is hard for me to do this as I'm all alone. Everyone is leaving... But then, people said, God won't let you go through something that's out of our capability... and I'm sure I can do this...

Make it, own it, live it

Other things that are not cool:
1. loving someone but you know when it will have to end and where the relation is going.
2. Having an awesome relationship but talking about future where there is no "us".


This is my situation now. No good isn't it? :( 


I love this guy, he makes me happy, he said he is happy with me. But, we are in an open relationship. He said forever is not possible cause of their people's tradition. Some people said, love is different, love is love. No, this one is not like that. I don't think so. Some people said I'm stupid for loving and wanting him, and still with him, although I know perfectly well, things won't change with time with us. But then, when I think again, maybe this is what I need, to feel that love does exist. To feel happiness.  Maybe right now, serious relationship is not what I want yet. Or maybe, God just want to test me before giving me the one. Maybe He want to see whether I can appreciate the small and short happiness. But I consider it as a big happiness though, he is a very nice guy and makes me happy although we have gone through many difficulty so far. I choose this, I made this decision. I know perfectly well, there is no us in the future.  


So yesterday, we were spending our time together. And we talked about loads of thing. Future is included. Although he didn't say it clearly that it is us, but he for me its crystal clear, one day we will both have to get married. But not us, should get married. There is no us :') 


I know when we will break up, and we both know the reason why. Maybe we still can have a long distance relationship, but what's the point of that? He is older than me, he has to get married in few years. But above all, I pray that we both will get happiness. How God planned for us. Although I do wish I can marry him someday, but then, I leave it all to God. All I can do now is, to appreciate what has been given, what I have and enjoy every moment I spend with him. Less than a year left, I'm hoping I could make him happy and will always remember me, us and all the things that we did and shared. Aamiin. 

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I don't want to swear but...

Hello2! :)


I'm at my cousin's place right now, hanging out with the others, talking about the latest new, interesting ad and videos and one of the O.C sweet couple!! Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody!! :D They're so cute together!! I really2 love to see them together~ so so suweeettt hehehe me and my other cousin wish there will be season 5 for the O.C!!! Although its impossible :/

Anyway, today is a very hectic day for me~ too much things going on which pissed me off mostly. But, I try hard to be positive about it ~ For the past 4 days, I sleep late and woke up early -.- Go here, go there ~ and today, I went to one of the place that I hate the most. The tailor shop! Not that I hate all tailor shop. I only hate the place when the tailor who work at the place is a liar and a drama queen :S It'giving me much trouble when they don't do what they promise. I went to the place 3 times to get the cloth that she promised she will finished sewing it few days ago! -.- It's so annoying and making me feels so guilty because I have to take my cloth back since I believe she won't be able to finished sewing it before my sister's engagement!! I have to deal with her twice today because the cloth was suppose to be ready in the morning but she asked us to come in the evening instead.


the other thing that pissed me off is that, we take away foods for our family at the stall we always go. Unfortunately, the rice wasn't ready yet and she asked us to get it an hour later!! We told her we only want the sauce and the chickens only for 6 persons. But she only gave 5!!! :/ i was like~~~ WTF??? :/ 


Enough with that~ I'm going to enjoy myself now hehe


Night! 

You and I both know

Hello again :) 


Its the second weeks of the school holiday... What have I done so far? erm... let me think....


Watching movies all day long ! LOL. Yesterday's yesterday, I spent the whole day watching any movies that got my attention that I've stored in my lappy for many months :/ I watched No string attached, the roommate, waiting for forever and hall pass. There're more than 30-40 movies probably in my hard disk and lappy, but that's the only 4 movies that I found it interesting -.- 


From the movies,  *as always, :D * some of the song there got my attention. One of it is called 99 problems by Hugo, its one of the song from the movie no string attached :) in the movie, waiting for forever, I love the  song called worlds collide sang by the mostar Diving club and also a song by Josiah James, im not sure what the song's name actually :s can't find the lyrics :s 


Anyway, you should watch the Roommate. Its about a psycho roommate who don't want anyone else to get close with her roommate. The movie really freaks me out :s You know why? because my former roommate is kind of... well.. how should I say it... not really a psycho, but, she can be consider as dangerous :/ I'm not writing this because I hate her of the fact that she always spread rumours and create shit about me, but well.. its just my opinion. because she seems to be different... in a scary and bad way :s its like, at one moment she's a good person, then the next moment she's the opposite -.- IDK what's her attention... but well... urgghhh.. I can't explain it :s she's just weird :s and she's fake but most peoples who's against me thought im the Devil here :( but well, my mum ask me to just ignore her. :) 


BTW, today I watched the whole episodes of the glee, season 2! :D and,  I really2 hate Finn for choosing the annoying Rachel Berry over the stunning Quinn Fabray!!! :/  I really loves Quinn!! She's beautiful! Gorgeous I should say! :')

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I LOVE YOU QUINN!! LOL