I can be your love dealer

Its the 4th day of the fasting month.

I'm not fasting but then... since the fasting month started,I tend to eat more and get hungry so fast >=I and then I feel that the weather is too hot and my sweat keeps dripping LOL which is weird cause I'm the type who doesn't sweat easily. :/

But apart from that, I'm feeling happy and glad for the things that happened in the past few days. I'm moving one step forward now and dear God, please help me :)

I thank you for giving me a friend who is very nice and caring. I thank you cause giving me someone who can help me to be a much better person. I thank you for giving me someone that always there to make sure I'm feeling fine and not lonely :) Thank you, God.

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Anyway, happy fasting to all the Muslim's people.

I won't let you down

"Success goes along with sacrifice, the bigger the sacrifice, the bigger the success"

- Jozy Julaihi, Amway.

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Could it be?

Everything I did, I did it for a reason. There is a reason why I am who I am.

Good evening.


I spent almost the whole day on my bed, since yesterday, listening to music and thinking. I'm not feeling alright. I miss you :( I can't dealt with the pain, that I decided to go out and went to my sister's home. I met my niece and he is a perfect distraction. I love him. and I miss you so much. I'm really sorry.  

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I know your heart will never be a home.

"I don't know how we ended up here, I don't know cause its never been so clear, we made a mistake dear... Let me heal, the ruins left inside of you... Take my breath, as your own, take my eyes, to guide you home..." 

- All time low, through the trees. 

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I miss you... 

Let me stop by

"Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said, sometime it last in love and sometime it hurts instead" - Adele, Someone like you. 

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Had a night out again at the beach. It's very cold tonight. Cause its raining since the morning. Although its not a good time to stay out at the beach, but I don't want to leave. I felt like just want to lie down and stare at the stars and talk all night. Cause I'm sure, there won't be another chance like this. I know... We will have to say good-bye soon. 

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You makes me smile

Got firework today in our area. Its for the Sultan's birthday. It was a very last minute plan to go and watch the firework. I was exhausted and hesitate to go at first, but then, things turn out to be great :)

I thought we would missed it. I was waiting for my friend and then when we reached to the place, the firework already started! I was a bit mad, LOL. Then, we tried to get a better view of the firework, and yes, we got it! Unexpectedly, we parked at the right placed. The firework was beautiful and I forgot I was mad at my friend haha


Night! :) 

I'm trying to let go

Hullo~ :)


I spent the night out; went to the beach and talk about load of things. Thank you for making me feels better. :)

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Its just the beginning its not the end

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up and shouldn't try, it's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

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And it goes like this...

"I know there's sunshine behind that rain. I know there's good time behind that pain" 

- J.B, Pray. 

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Yesterday, I had a very good time with the people I love. And I'm so thankful for that. :)

Pray

Its Sunday, I just feels like want to pray and thanks to God for everything. I search online and came up with this prayer. 

For all You have given,

Thank You God.

For all You have withheld,

Thank You God.

For all You have withdrawn,

Thank You God.

For all You have permitted,

Thank You God.

For all You have prevented,

Thank You God.

For all You have forgiven me,

Thank You God.

For all You have prepared for me,

Thank You God.

For the death You have chosen for me,

Thank you God.

For the place you are keeping for me in heaven, 

Thank You God.

For having created me to love You for eternity,

Thank You God. 

And I found this quote, 

And I found that very true, indeed. Since He knows the best for us. Amin! 

Have a nice Sunday everyone! :)

Happy happy day! Many happy return to the most amazing person!

Good morning!!!!  :D

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Today is His Majesty, Sultan Haji Hassanal Bolkiah Mu'izzaddin Waddaulah ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Haji Omar Ali Saifuddien Sa'adul Khairi Waddien, the Sultan and Yang Di-Pertuan ("Head of State) of Brunei Darussalam, 66th birthday!!! He is a very great leader!! Love him so much!!! :)

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May God bless him and protect him. Give him a very good health and longevity. AMIN!!  

You put a smile on my face :)

Good evening! 


Its been a long and tiring day. Went out since the morning and reached home late! My cousins keep texting and calling me to join them for BBQ. But sadly, I can't join them. Got loads of work need to be done and I'm tired :s sorry cuz! 

My day was great! Seriously great! Although I don't feel very well, sore throat, sleepy and everything, but still. I feel amazing and had a great time. I thanks God so much for that!!! :) Thank you God for everything :)

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I know I'm not the best for you but can you promise that you will stay?

"But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough"

"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know"

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Love this song so much... you can watch and listen to the song  by clicking here - > Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra) - official video

All I need is a place to rest my head

Good evening. 


Its raining outside and I'm feeling so exhausted now. The day was so dreadful. I didn't have anything to do, nothing at all. Just sitting there and wait till it's time to go home! T___T Its painful to keep myself to stay awake. I did fall asleep!! I don't want people around me think I'm such a lazy ass! So, I keep on walking around just to make myself awake :s Dear God, I don't know how long I can stand to go through all these things :/ 


And now, I'm not feeling very well. If I keep on getting less rest and being stressful, in few days or maybe later or tomorrow, for sure I will catch a fever. :s Even now I'm feeling so weak already and got sore throat :'( I'm feeling so tired, but then, I can't sleep well :( It's killing me. 

Below is part of the lyrics of a song called half alive by Secondhand Serenade.

"I was trying to disappear, but you got me wrapped around you. I can't hardly breathe without you".

It stuck in my mind since the morning till now and I seriously don't want to keep thinking about it.

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I have a dream

"In life, there will always be someone that will try to steal your dream" 

- Jozy Julaihi, Amway ♥

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I'm almost alive

Don't make me fall for you if you don't plan on catching me

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You didn't have to cut me off

I woke up early today due to the throbbing pain from my ear. I'm half deaf! :0 and I miss him :(

My friend text me early in the morning and ask me to go with her to attend an event. I hesitate at first, but them, I think maybe its the right thing to do so I can get my mind off him :/
The event was not bad. I got loads of important advice from the talk. Although I went home tired, but well, at least my day is productive! :D 

After the event, my friends and I went to have dinner together and then we walked around the shopping area. While walking, my mind started to wander off and I suddenly said " I think he will leave. Cause I'm sure he doesn't miss me anymore cause if he does, he won't stand it ignoring me almost the whole day". My friend said I'm being silly and told me not to think about it and be positive...

So that night, he replied my text (which I text few hours back). He told me we should move on our own. I cried of course and asked him why. He just keep saying to leave it and he seems to make it like its not a big deal. My heart ache. But what can I do? I apologize to God for crying. It's not that I'm trying to disagree but I just have to, to ease the pain. I'm afraid I will miss him.. But then, I can't force him to love me and stay. If he's happy with his decision, I can't do anything about it. People say, everything happen for a reason. Maybe this is for the best. For both of us. All I can do is pray to God, to heal my heart and give me the strength to get through this. I don't want to hate him for leaving me. I'm sure God must have a better plan for me. I trust Him.

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He said he will text me again, but I'm sure he won't do that. I just can feel it, just like how I can feel he will leave me :)

Talk to me

First of all, happy birthday to my second sister. May God bless you! 

Today is the day I've been waiting for, not because its my sister birthday, but its my first off day~ LOL. But sadly, I have to spend almost the whole day to do and settle something :( I'm tired but then, what to do? I just want to be healthy soon cause I want us to work out although its less than a year left. I sacrifice my rest time and spent almost 8 hours driving on the road just to fix everything cause I love him. I thank God for giving me the strength to get through this. It is hard for me to do this as I'm all alone. Everyone is leaving... But then, people said, God won't let you go through something that's out of our capability... and I'm sure I can do this...

You're the one that I think about always :)

Today is the first day of attachment, I'm feeling so nervous about it and hope everything will be well. At the same time, I'm glad and happy. I thank God for giving me my love back :) I'm feeling so so happy about it. New life, new environment and I have him back. Everything feels complete! Dear God, bless my new life. Bless our relationship! :D 

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Make it, own it, live it

Other things that are not cool:
1. loving someone but you know when it will have to end and where the relation is going.
2. Having an awesome relationship but talking about future where there is no "us".


This is my situation now. No good isn't it? :( 


I love this guy, he makes me happy, he said he is happy with me. But, we are in an open relationship. He said forever is not possible cause of their people's tradition. Some people said, love is different, love is love. No, this one is not like that. I don't think so. Some people said I'm stupid for loving and wanting him, and still with him, although I know perfectly well, things won't change with time with us. But then, when I think again, maybe this is what I need, to feel that love does exist. To feel happiness.  Maybe right now, serious relationship is not what I want yet. Or maybe, God just want to test me before giving me the one. Maybe He want to see whether I can appreciate the small and short happiness. But I consider it as a big happiness though, he is a very nice guy and makes me happy although we have gone through many difficulty so far. I choose this, I made this decision. I know perfectly well, there is no us in the future.  


So yesterday, we were spending our time together. And we talked about loads of thing. Future is included. Although he didn't say it clearly that it is us, but he for me its crystal clear, one day we will both have to get married. But not us, should get married. There is no us :') 


I know when we will break up, and we both know the reason why. Maybe we still can have a long distance relationship, but what's the point of that? He is older than me, he has to get married in few years. But above all, I pray that we both will get happiness. How God planned for us. Although I do wish I can marry him someday, but then, I leave it all to God. All I can do now is, to appreciate what has been given, what I have and enjoy every moment I spend with him. Less than a year left, I'm hoping I could make him happy and will always remember me, us and all the things that we did and shared. Aamiin. 

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